7 Lessons I Learned Coming of Age in Paris

Moving to Paris at sixteen, with no friends and little French, wasn’t simple — but it was a dream I’d had since I was ten. I planned to master the language in a few years and attend a French university, following in my great-aunt’s footsteps. The process was frustrating and required hard work, but after two years in Paris, I was accepted into a licence droit (bachelor’s in law) at Université Paris Cité.

I’ve grown while pursuing my dream, and now I’ve truly settled into the Paris scene. Here are seven important lessons I’ve learned from coming of age in the City of Light.

1. Be self-reliant and do your own research

You know the stereotypes about complicated French bureaucracy and administrative procedures that leave expats ready to pull out their hair? They’re 100 percent accurate. Even French people can’t keep up with the constantly changing rules and regulations.

When I applied to university, I discovered that as an American international student, I had to submit my application more than three months before the French student deadline. I had to print forms (on actual paper), sign them (with a proper color pen), and mail everything by post — with perfect postage and return documents — all in 2023.

You can’t count on the government to guide you. Better to assume they’ll throw a few curveballs, and that the law might change between filling out and mailing your paperwork.

Living in France means becoming vigilant about deadlines and procedures, and resilient when you have to resubmit documents or appeal decisions. Jumping into adulthood here is more confusing than in the U.S., but all the more rewarding — especially when you get to come of age in Paris.

2. You can still be yourself, even if you’re trying to be French

My first semester at my French university felt like being tossed into the wild, surrounded by people speaking my second language. When I finally found friends, I was quiet around them — totally the opposite of how I am in English. I laughed when they laughed, even when I didn’t understand the joke, and overthought every word I said.

It got easier once my French improved, but the real shift was accepting myself and embracing being international. I stopped trying to mirror my French peers out of fear of seeming “too foreign.” Everything changed when I started acting naturally and speaking confidently, accent and all. That shift made me the “cool American” rather than a lost foreigner — and brought me closer to my friends.

Being spontaneous with a reliable group of friends is the best part of student life. That’s how I’ve found myself sipping gin and tonics by the Seine at midnight on a Thursday, or stopping by a pub when I thought I was too tired — and ending up kissing an adorable French guy. Getting out balances the anxiety of university, and you can’t really enjoy Paris without being up for a few adventures.

4. Remember to take it all in

Your twenties are stressful — you probably have no idea what’s next. That’s why it’s so important to enjoy the moment instead of worrying about the future. For me, that means remembering why I’m here: I belong in Paris, and a dream I had for years became reality. It’s a gift to visit world-famous museums, admire the gardens, or just sit by the Seine and wave at boats passing by.

That said, there’s nothing wrong with enjoying a little French romance and dancing with someone at a party — just make sure you’ve got friends watching out for you.

6. Don’t feel bad for leaving your family

For the first couple of years after moving to Paris with my mom, I felt guilty for leaving my family behind. I missed my dad and relatives in Tennessee, even though they were excited for me and always asked about my Parisian life.

It’s hard hearing my grandparents say, “if you move back one day,” but I just smile and let those words float by. We miss each other, but life’s too short to live somewhere you don’t belong. Moving abroad takes courage — and a lot of self-forgiveness.

7. Don’t let your visa control your dreams

Being on a student visa means that if I stay enrolled and work hard, I get to stay in Paris. It sounds simple — until you realize your grades determine whether you can remain in the country. I take my visa seriously; a government error once gave me a deportation order without my knowledge, leaving me stuck in the U.S. when I went home to renew it — but that’s a story for another time.